So, I thought I'd start a blog on here today to document what happens in my life with my health issues.

Here's what's already occurred.

Hi, my name is Alyssa but I go by Lys or Lyssa. I'm a seventeen year old female and currently am at 258 lbs, my highest weight yet. About two years ago my mother requested to have my records from doctor and ER visits released to her because school was threatening truancy due to my extensive absences.

FLASHBACK: My absences are due to me having a low immune system due to all the steroids I have been on and off of. Every time I would get sick my asthma would act up & my doctor would prescribe prednisone.

While paging through the records she noticed that when I was nine years old a doctor at the ER had wrote down that I possibly had something called cushing's syndrome. Not knowing what it was she did research on it without telling me. Shortly after I found out and was furious that she could hide the possibility of me having a disease from me. I mean, I knew I would have freaked out if she told me but it's better to know than not know, right? So anyway, last year sometime we located an endocrinologist in our city and had him do a blood test. My cortisone levels came back normal. Recently I had it done again, I'd say a few months ago and they once again came back normal. By this time my weight was bothering me so terribly that our doctor gave us a referral to a surgeon an hour away from where we live. That appointment was today.

We disscussed lap-band surgery and he humiliated me. First of all he asked me if I have plans for after I get out of school and I said I was thinking about going to a cosmetology school but I was unsure yet. I mean, I know it's better to be decided on these kinds of things but I'd rather not THINK I want to do something and waste my time studying it and then end up never using the degree, like my aunt did with nursing. Then he asked me if I currently have a job, and I don't because of school. I did have one a year or so ago but it wasn't the type of job I had hoped it would be and with my weight and asthma it was all too much for me to handle. Then he asked if I drive and I said no because it costs $500 for the class but if you wait until you're eighteen it doesn't. Then he went on to basically call me immature and say I'm not ready to make a life-long decision like this because I haven't made any of these decisions. Who the hell is he to tell me if I'm mature on his first impression? And not only that but he made me feel like because I don't have a plan to give back & better the society job-wise & what not that I'm not WORTH getting healthy over. I know I probably took a lot of what he said over board but he was very rude to me. I started BALLING out of anger & frustration with him & he only got more cocky and rude.

I may be only seventeen but that does not mean that I can't choose to better myself. I have done many things to try to lose my weight & nothing works. (Sorry for ranting but like I said this just happened today.)

Anyway...

My mom brought up to him cushings because apparently even though the blood tests had twice come back normal she still thought it was a possibility. He then brought my self-esteam to a new low.

He went on to exam my stretch marks which he made seem god-awful and I know they don't look great, I mean for christ sakes THEY'RE STRETCH MARKS. But seriously he wasn't nice about it at all, he was VERY blunt.

He then went on to call my face 'moon shaped' and call the fatty hump on the back of my neck a 'buffalo hump'

I know, I know, I shouldn't take it personal. But me knowing it's like that and having a stranger TELL me so bluntly hurt a lot. I feel so ugly and disgusting now and it's killing me. I mean it's one thing to battle with my weight but another to have him tell me all these things like they're so bad.

Then he suggested I have my primary doctor make a referral to The Mayo Clinc in Minnesota because he thought cushings seemed very likely.

I hate to HOPE I have a disease but if it's not this I have to try to get approved by a different doctor for surgery and what if I keep getting denied?

I can't live like this, I just can't.

High School & teenage years are supposed to be the best years of your life & so far they've been my worst emotionally.

It's just all so hard to take.

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Also I wanted to add that I do have a lot of symptoms of cushings such as:

Stretch marks on my stomach, back, shoulders, back of my knees and some starting on the top of my breasts.

Moon-Shaped face. (I don't think I do but the doctor said I do.)

Hump on neck.

Panic attacks.

Anxiety.

Depression.

Mood swings.

Weight gain, particularly around the mid-section.

Fatigue.

Muscle weakness.

Bruise easily.

Irritability.

Loss of emotional control.

Acne. (Which I have under control now with special skin cream, thank god. But I still occasionally get some under my hair on my head.)

Absent menstrual periods. (I don't get my period regularly unless I take birth control.)

Headaches. (I get these a lot & even more than usual lately.)

Weakness of bones. (I broke my wrist in third grade ice skating, usually bones are still flexible at this age & don't break easily.)

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I thought I'd add a few more notes to my story...

I have had my thyroid tested twice & it was normal so I know it's not that.

& I also have a few other symptoms that I didn't mention cause I wasn't sure if they had anything to do with cushings but here they are::

Balance problems.

Frequent stomach aches.

Acid Reflex occasionally. (I used to have to be on medication for it but it improved somewhat.)

Shortness of breath.

& probably more that I can't think of right now.

I was reading my doctor records today and I read that at 7 I was already slightly over weight.

So I'm wondering if maybe I've had this since age seven?

Because at nine an ER doctor had wrote down he thought it 'looked' like I had cushings.

I hope we get this all figured out.

My mother contacted our doctor today about making a referral to The Mayo Clinc in Minnesota & she said she can make the referral tomorrow after speaking with the surgeon we met with yesterday because she wants to see what doctor he recommends at The Mayo Clinc.

They better have the referral made tomorrow and it better not be any longer than two weeks away or I'm going to be pissed.

At this point I'm so embarrassed about my weight and everything that i don't even want to attend school to finish up my Senior year.

Also, my balance problems may be related to me gaining forty pounds in the last ten months.

All I can ask is that you all pray.