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About this blog

I really wouldn't read this if i were you

Entries in this blog

Stories I Tell

"Don't give me answers or I would refuseYes is a word for which I have no useI wasn't looking for heaven or hellJust someone to listen to stories I tellWhat is a blessing and what is a dreamCaught between portraits and none's what it seemsWhy is it some would expect there's a changeWhen I feel I'm a part of something I can't seeAnd I feel the sameDon't offer questions or I will retreatFame is a cancer and ego its seedAnd I wasn't looking for heaven or hellJust someone to listen to stories I tell
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WHOA Carbon Leaf

Live a life less ordinaryLive a life extraordinary with meLive a life less sedentaryLive a life evolutionary with meWell I hate to be a bother,But it's you and there's no other, I do believeYou can call me naive but...I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell)And I know what I needThe night you came into my lifeWell it took the bones of me, took the bones of meYou blew away my storm and strifeAnd shook the bones of me, shook the bones of meBy the way, I do know why you stayed away...I w
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SSA

Hearing tomorrow. Cross your fingers this is the appeals process. I hate this!My internet broke but i think its fixed finally. My air broke again i wanna cry im so freaking hot!!!
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Wow

I lost a lot of weight. I mean a lot. For me. I gotta find a scale now. I wanna know.Im fitting into things that never fit. And i feel lighter. Things are so loose theyre falling off. I hope it isnt just wishful thinking!Other than that im crazy this week.
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Funny me

THE OFFSPRING LYRICS"Gotta Get Away"I'm getting edgy all the timeThere's someone around me just a step behindIt's kinda scary the , the shape I'm inThe walls are shakin'and they' re closing inToo fast or a bit too slowI'm paranoid of people and it's starting to showThere' s one guy that I can't shakeOver my shoulder is a big mistakeSitting on the bedOr lying wide awakeThere's demons in my headAnd it's more than I can takeI think I'm on a rollBut I think it's kinda weakSaying all I know isI gotta
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Now I've Done It

Didn't I warn ya not to read this here foggy bloggy?Ah man. I have done it now. I've emoted 100% and now I feel scared. What would I be like without cushings? Would I be every bit as f*ed up as I am now? I can't help thinking I would be worse. Cushing's has taught me much. Sometimes I scare me
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Lyrics Experimentation

Experimenting with Blog categories ALANIS MORISSETTE LYRICS"So Unsexy"Oh these little rejections how they add up quicklyOne small sideways look and I feel so ungood......I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautifulSo unloved for someone so fineI can feel so boring for someone so interestingSo ignorant for someone of sound mindOh these little protections how they fail to serve meOne forgotten phone call and I'm deflatedOh these little defenses how they fail to comfort meYour hand pulling away a
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For those of you who've lost your pets

Ah was talking to some people about our mutual pet's deaths. Not appropriate to pos this there, but I know at least one of you I was posting with felt guilty about having to make the decision to end your pet's life. I did too sooo much so I wanted to share this poem it's not the greatest but from the heart. Just thought the part about letting go of the guilt might make you feel so not alone.I uploaded some pics to my album of my Shelli cat. The one on her back in on her memorial urn [for lack of
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Yeah, Seriously

I feel like crap.Anyone who may miss me in chat i cant get in I know its my system, somehow... just no clue what's wrong. Im in chat withdrawal
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Sick

Ummm either a cold or infection. I have some skin infections going on, so I decided to go ahead and take some Augmentin. I don't take many antibitoics these days as I'm so resistent and trying to build up their effacy again for future kidney infections.Anyways, I'm so doped up. It used to be that pain killers and the like hardly affected me, in the early days of cushings. Now, I can't even tolerate a codeine 3 without being completely incapacitated mentally and physically. Makes my muscles weak
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Fixed da blog

THANKS MARYO! We have liftoffI forgot I was experimenting and that's why comments werent showing up.
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Shelli

Don't read this if you're animal is dying or recently deceased.Got Shelli's box today. It is about 5in X 4in. or so. It is solid mahogany wood very dark, very nice. Gold plate on top says SHELLI, Momma's Angel, 2002 - 5-31-05And has a calico cat angel with wings on top. I had to unscrew the bottom to get her cremains inside. First time I looked at what they were. I wrapped them in a portion of her pink blankie. I can't stand the thought of her in just a plastic bag ack. I'm hopeless.This was har
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Survey Says

So I stole this from MaryO, who stole it from Christy :DA is for age- 33B is for booze- Amaretto SoursC is for Career or major- Writer Wanna BeD is for dad's name- Ed, RIPE is for essential items to bring on a trip - Cell phone and ah nail polish. I can never sleep well on trips, so I polish my nailsF is for favorite album at the moment- Darryl Worley's self titledH is for hometown- I don't really have one but I love where I live in Oregon nowI is for instruments you play- Ummm yeah. None really
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Go For It

Sometimes ya just have to go for it! :spudnikbigthumbsup:It makes me feel good to see all these!
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Terrorist Plot

I figured it out. It isnt a cat that screams loud and pees here and there... it's really an act of terrorism by some foreign faction to drive me crazy.
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New Addition

Okay. So i got a new cat so sue me! That makes two in two weeks So I have Sabbatha, or Sabby I have had her what two years this October. She's cool a real 'cat's cat.' Loves me of course [who wouldn't right?] but loves cats more. So when my beloved Shelli died on 5-31, I HAD to get another cat she was THAT sad. And driving me bonkers!So I got Callie, who is one of my four babies mom and I raised from one day old. Callie ah she is high strung didn't like all the competition at mom's house with
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How To Say

What to say. Hmmm. There is so much from today. Nope. Think I won't go there. Too hard right now. Too f*ing hard.
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A Man

They all say that when I find the right man, he will make me love myself but that's bull***. I don't need that I've HAD that. I've never BEEN with a man who didn't think I was fun and sexy and more. Well, not really. It isn't someone programming me with unacceptance for cushing's so much as it is me thinking, way and I mean WAY deep down, that why should anyone bother??? AND to further beat this horse I have to say it's been on my mind a lot. A LOT.But why would a healthy man want to put up with
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Not Myself

I cant post what i want to cause i didnt write it but i love this quick poem and a link to it is here>http://www.geocities.com/myronlysenko/myself.html
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Thought This Fitting

?I am attended by doctors, everywhere I am attended by doctors who inform me of my own interests.""I am ungrateful? You call me ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me? I'm living a life I have no wish to live. How did this happen??"If I were thinking clearly? then I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark and only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction? I live with it too.
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Blog Notes To Reader

I don't mind comments if you've a feeling or question you want to express or ask. Or, just sit back for the ride.
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Wow

I am dragging my wings across the floor Oh my. I just read that from a favorite poet and friend of mine. I just... WOW. that could be my life's motto
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By The Way

btw, I know I couldn't have such surgeries while on steroids. I'm not stupid
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Special Poem

I wrote this for a special man in my life, but it goes along with the previous entry here. And YOU GUYS know what I mean when I say 'Cushie heart.' THIS IS A VILLNAELLE form so dont let it throw you. Just read and let it flow.Try Anew Another DayBehind gossamer veil, my pain educated cushie heart I hide.Fallen victim again as Love?s all too simple friend and prey.With caution breach this manifest threshold; my dream, your pride.Without permission I have fallen under love?s angry tide;These emoti
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How I Really Really Feel

Remember the song Computer Blues on the Purple rain soundtrack? You'd have to have been a kid in the 80s maybe. I'm such a throwback. Don't really like the song but I think in lyrics. And words. Speaking of which I have been writing so much poetry lately. I write mainly to one website for authors and the support and feedback and cameraderie is great. If you've a yen for reading poetry or writing it yourself, I would be more than happy to share the site but not here publicly. While enjoying feedb
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