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when you done all you can do just stand

Entries in this blog

Been a long time since i bloged

Well this sugery was somuch more trouble then I though it seems like i take one forward and ten steps back i kinda scareds of this new bacteria they founded in the wound for the research that I done today dosn't sound very good but i will contnue to do research that has to be some kinda of treatment that is helpful but on a lighter side of things we got brittany enrolled at the college and her classes started on july 24 Brooke went to texas with her best friend to visit her friend dad and step

Kandy66

Kandy66

Finaly up to writing

Today is wednesday mornindg in the am as you can see sleep is still a issue and tonight pain is a issue kinda disappointment I had such a good day yesterday then today I had a awful day I have to talk to my homew health nurse about it tomorrow. I think i just getting stressed out with Brittany graduation is friday so we are all very excited I have missed everyone somuch it just been to painful to sit up so sometimes i come on to rad but really didn,t have the strength to write. this wound vac is

Kandy66

Kandy66

I have busted my stiches agsain

Hi it Monday night and I hope evryone had a good easter i have buster my stiches again and i have to go back to the doctor tomorrow Ken pretty sure he goinbgt to put me back in But I am facing a very severe depression and i don't want to go living like this pleasepray frome soi that I will get my fight back i have lost it and that scares me   kandy   my appoointment is at ten in the mornindg

Kandy66

Kandy66

dailyblog

Today has been a better day I did sleepin to two which is highly unlikely thought I have not been able tosleepat night so i sure that why my sleepsch is off Ken goes on nights next week so at least we be onthe samesleep sch I due to go back to the doctor on tuesday and the endoon monday so i hopetohave some answers from the the edo since he switch meback todealing with him and not his pa so he could follow my case more thoughtly hopeful i willhave llost some of myswelling not in face for sure i

Kandy66

Kandy66

itching is a side effect

:ph34r:   Iam looking forward to being supportive tomy friemds I been having so many rebound headaches from the painmeds I not sure how common that is but i have to be careful i got the headaches when they gave me oxygen in the hospital I miss the girls so much that it hurts they have beeen so supportive me for me on the bad days it so hard to have so many highs and lows that i know it hard for anyone to put up with me and it hard i think one of the medication are making me itch so bad i know

Kandy66

Kandy66

Finally able to add aentry

Hi everyone   it monday the tenth and i am finally able to sit at the pc and write this surgery has been very painful the second surgery was so much worst but i am sure it was becasuse my staples busted and my stmach was ripped apart i due to get the stitchesout this week but my healing is going so slowly that I am not sure they are healed and i stil having so much leakage from the iincision unless i lay flat that the only way it dosn't have the leake but the swelling does seem to be improvon

Kandy66

Kandy66

Wellits Sunday

WellIT sunday and very quiet in the house as everyone is still sleeping I really like the peace and quiet as it seems like we don't get that much around here anymore.... But I am working on that.... so I can have my peaceful house again. I guess when you have kids moving in and out they forget the rules when they come home but I will reming them.. yesterday I went shopping with Brittany and we finally found her senior prom dress and it beautiful on her when had been looking forever and nothing s

Guest

Guest

not sure how to deal

I not sure how to deal with all this but I will as i always do I think II just be glad when tuesday gets here and we have the surgery done at least then it be one thing dealt with though it seems here lately that everyday I have something new to deal with and usually it ok but right now ken seems distance I think that he handling this but it hard for me becasue usually it not like with us and i not even sure how to talk with him aboutn it or even if i should maybe he just needs the space. We sup

Guest

Guest

preaping for surgery

Well it Thursday morning and the day after botox it was nice to wake up with no miograine I sure hoping that the botox will work likeitusually does. Because having todeal with the rest of the problemsi beleive i going to have to be able to concrete on getting this big surgery. Biy do i wish that I had let them take my ovaries when i my hysto when i was thirty now nine years later having to deal with the fact this might be cancerous mass on my right ovary is almostto much frome to take. but at le

Guest

Guest

my First moment of quiet

I having my first moment of quiet since the news from the doctor yesterday part of me wants to be strong and part of me wants to break down it just been so hard the last few months and it seems like everyday there is something i have to deal with. I did go today for my botox injections formy headahesa nd that a postive thing I was not wanting to deal with them and the surgery on tuesday The docttor has said it going to be a rough and painful surgery on me so i am trying to work myself up witha g

Guest

Guest

sometimes people are clueless

I have come to the point that I beleive unless people are living with disease they are clueless they cannot understand that the stress they put on us pushes to the point of no return and of course they have all the answeers. I love my family but to me right now they are pushing so much stress on me that I do not even care to be around them I know that makes me seem terriable. and they always have all the answers for what will make you better. I just had a conversation with my mom and she thinks

Guest

Guest

conseding to pain mangement

well I have conseeded to go to pain management and the thought of that makes me feel like i am giving up but it hurts with every breathe much less with every step I also conseeded to order thew power chair it really making feel like giving up. I guess i am getting angry and i guesss that a partof it but I have lost my fight and that what scares me as long as i had the fight I never though of giving upn and now when i going to sleep i am praying not to wake up and that scares me I am still trying

Guest

Guest

hello everyone

Hi everyoneHope is goingt well for everyone and everyone had a good valentimes days Of course I speny mine inthe hospital but Kewn has beeen able to worlk local so it been nioice having him around and when have some trouble with myu step daugtewr so it best for her to dealt with her dad. I went to have my cyst/tumpot yesterday and we had to recheck it has tripple in past I sure theyare going to have to remove it I am waiting to have the endo call me and yje gyn so we can sch that that will some

Guest

Guest

venting

Well I am sitting here 233 am you can see I having one of the sleepless night that happens to so many of us that suffer with this disease aand i really I drop today as I have had the most stressful two days. I trying to keep my spirts up but that is sometimes not the easies thing to do when you family is falling apart. Ken dicide that for some stange reason to lash out at me say becasue of my illness we can't plan six moths ahead and I asked him why not he says becaus ethe doctors say we may not

Guest

Guest

at last at least starting to get answers

Well it wesnesday night Jan 18 I have not blog much this week as i have felt so bad and just didn't have the heart to write. I have bounced from one doctor to another all week so i give a brief detasils on the 10th I got a ct on my stomach and they found several things but at least getting some answers first of all they found kidneys stones in my right kindney a basketball size tumor or cyst on my right ovary and vertial hernia. So where to go fromhere is a good question went back to the endo on

Guest

Guest

MOre Questions then answers

Today has not been a very good day it one of the days that I wish Ken did not drive truck for a living... I got a call yesterday telling me they found a basketball size cyst on my right ovary but i went in to the ob gyn this morning it could not be a cyst as the syst are produced by hormones and since i don't make homornes so he order a pelvic ultra sound and told me he thinks it a tumor that is leaking in my and possably bleeding which would cause the severe pain Right now I am home alone and

Guest

Guest

one more day

Well it Monday morning I cqan't wait to tomorrow to meet with the neuro surgeron kinda scare in someway but mostly just ready to get it over with.The swelling is so bad today as it was yesterday can barely stand to be on my feet. I got this am tried to staight up the house a bit but I had a black out so I guess i better take it easy as i don't want anymore broken bones right now. Ken just called from beau bridges and will be homein a hour or so. So he get tthe girls to clean up there messes this

Guest

Guest

fighting axcity about the dr appt

Well at last I get a few minutes to sit here and write tried to earlier but that was not successful because everyime I sit down someone is needing something. Jessie and her boyfriend have hung out at our house this weekend as he is having trouble at home which is ok most times it just seems like we always have someone b/f here I can't remember we sat down to dinner with just the girls. Ken says he has a good feeling about my surgery but I getting a liittle nervous but I sure that is fairly norma

Guest

Guest

not sure what to do

Well it Friday december 30 well actually it saturday morning early. and yet again another sleepless night again the more i think about the endo not calling me with those results i mean of all people he knows I doon't fight infection well but yet he let this get so bad and ven with the swelling issue the causing of the congestive heart failure he fails me to infrom me that my kidneys were infected he knows my kidney are already damge by the steroids but yet he can just let it sit there in his of

Guest

Guest

Merry Christmas 2005

Merry Christmas .... I finally sitting for a few minutes its christmas eve here and the family are watching a movie.... a shi -fi movie I watched it with Ken Last night and now he is watching it with the kids and their b/f and g/f .... So I thougt I steal a few minutes to myself... I told Ken Last night what the endo said about getting my affarirs in ordrer... He said that he knew there was something more to it that I had not told him but he was going to give me my space for a few days until I w

Guest

Guest

Trying to have happy Thoughts

Trying to have happy Thoughts it Friday and christmas is upon us and it dosn't even seem like christmas to me.... I am trying to be postive esp for the kids because if this is my last christmas I want the girls to have good memories of the last christmas with me... My health has gotten so bad I can longer hide my head in the sand I beleive I must face what the endo said this week He told me to put my affairs in order becasue I don't have much longer.. I havn't even had the heart to tell Ken that

Guest

Guest

another day in life of steroids

Well it Thursday early in the am and I can't sleep even though I took two sleeping pills... Nothing seems to help me sleep lately ... Well i seen the heart Doctor today and he says my heart is not causing the problem but becasue of the swelling my heart is getting enlarge so he says we must find out why I am swelling to prevent any further heart damage... He beleives the pit tumor is producing something and that my body is reacting to it so that it swelling so he is sending back to neuro surgero

Guest

Guest

waiting to see the heart doctor

Well I see the heart doctor on wednesday so still waiting but my swelling is getting worst even on the lasik. So I sure hope he has another plan of action and I know he said no stress it seems when they say that. Stress comes out of the woodwork. I guess i need to lock myself in my bedroom away from everyone and everything... My famaily is so stress out and i understand that they are but I am also stress out and they are making it worse I know I am always verybody safe person no matter who they

Guest

Guest

Looking for something postive

Well it is Sunday afternoon and ken just left to go back on the road, This weekend was hard as everyone is having a hard time with me being so ill. Brittany is scared so she is acting out she has a type A personility add that to Ken type A personality and him being scared sometimes that can lead to a very stressful place. THey had a blow up today I don't even know about what it was something little but it became a major battle. These stress sitition takes so much out of me emtiomaly. It take me

Guest

Guest

more health problems

Well Finally heard from the endo and he made me come in the office then rushed me off to the heart doctor where they learned I have a enlarge heart and congestive heart failure all i sure due to the steriods. I was swollen another 20 pounds in a week that up 60 pounds in 2 months it no wonder I can't hardly get out of bed They ran some test and I have to go back next week for more test they put me on fluid pills which always screws up my levels and i end up in a adddssions crisis so to say I not

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