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11th September 2005


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Firstly I want to send my love to all those that were affected by 9/11, four years ago...What a night I have had - I was sick as a dog, I thought I was going to collapse. Feeling much better this morning, but my breathing was very shallow last night. It has been humid here so it was a case of throwing open all of the windows (scared of Daddy long legs, you see - do you get those in the States - big spider like flying insects...ggggrrrrr...hate them). Ended up being really ill, sitting on my bathroom floor, not being able to move with a cold flannel on my head. God, brings back memories, to think 6 months ago this was a nigthly chore for me. I increased my hydrocortisone back up to 15mg yesterday and was feeling a bit better for it. I thought it was pointless to carry on as I was feeling rough every day all for the sake of trying to wean too early. I need to start listening to my body again, I seem to have shut off contact lately and become deaf to what my body is doing. I guess I have just spent so long worrying about what has been going on with me, all consuiming, that for the past few weeks I have just wanted to live a 'normal' life again - stupid really - I'm paying for it big time.

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