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Attracting stress...


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Its been a very rough week or so. So much seems to be going on in my life that my body is finding it hard to cope with everything right now. I think that is a big factor in why I have been feeling so rough hence the visit to the endo yesterday. Moving house was difficult and a big culture shock although there were major improvements in some areas like being with other people again and not feeling so isolated. Not having any spare money is hard - we still don't go out and I have rented an allotment to keep myself busy and take my mind of things. I am busy trying to dig that over when the days are fine and I feel OK in myself. It has been difficult. I have been trying to deal with all my personal issues and manage my Mum's financial affairs for her so taking on the burden of her stress. On top of that Harry had his latest back operation, I had to cancel my toe operation because I had thought I could start evening work. In hindsight another failure on my part and thats how I feel right now, like life is just one big failure for me. I just feel so down in the dumps. Everything is swings and roundabouts and I just feel like I am given grace for a few days and can enjoy life then wallop, it all comes crashing down around my ears again. I just want some consistency in life and normalacy.I have an interview next week for a secretarrial post in a neurosurgical critical care unit. It looks like a really interesting job opportunity and could give me a reasonable salary...but the down side is I will still have to pay for Harry's childcare if I go back full-time and it costs so much money. We did have child tax credit but we were sent a letter saying we owed them money and were overpaid so I don't think there is any chance we will get a subsidy. Childcare just costs the earth and I would be working for that alone which seems madness. Then the other plus is my application is now with the University for the nursing course. I would get my tuition paid, have the flexibility of the course days that would fit in with school hours, get a bursary, other benefits and childcare costs. I would be studying for a 'career' and doing something I find interesting. The down side is the University is 20 miles away and once our bankruptcy goes through our car will be repossessed and getting a train to the course will cost a fortune as there is not a direct service. We need to buy a small runaround car but where we would find the money for that, I don't know when we only have a few pounds left at the end of each month. I just wish things could be straightforward.So here I am in tears this morning, with a head that feels like it is going to explode with all of the built up stress and pressure I am having. There are a few other things going on too, which are a strain on me right now. I hate it that my health is paying for all this stress. I will see what all the results say but the last thing I want os a reoccurance. I don't know how I would face something else happening again. I am not sure if my marriage would survive it either.So this is me, back on the blog... :spudniksurgeon:

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