Well Finally heard from the endo and he made me come in the office then rushed me off to the heart doctor where they learned I have a enlarge heart and congestive heart failure all i sure due to the steriods. I was swollen another 20 pounds in a week that up 60 pounds in 2 months it no wonder I can't hardly get out of bed They ran some test and I have to go back next week for more test they put me on fluid pills which always screws up my levels and i end up in a adddssions crisis so to say I not looking forward to this is a undersstattement. I just want to crawl in bed and never wake up and let it just be over with but can't do that to my family so I will continue to battle this disease but the endo told me today that I need to realize just how sick i am I said I know I dying he said the steriods are killling you and if I don't take them i die so I guess i watch my body fall apart and try to treasure the moments God allows me to have with my family . It very sad to me that my girls will lose their mom at such a early age My youoger one will, be find but My older daugter will not cope well becasue I have always been her one person that supports her so I worry what will happen to her when my dad was alive she was close to him and we lost him recently and it really effected her as well as everyone else... I am so overwelm right now with my illness and the issue with my kids and my step kids.. my mom being sick and needing chemo.. I just not sure how much more I can take.. I always been a postive person but right now I can't find one thing postive in my life it just seems everything is falling apart ..... but i shall put on a happy face.... for my family... since this is probably my last christmas ..... But I will continue to battle the fight of my life ....... I hope everybody that is healthy really aprecaistes it I think we take it for granted till we loss it.... well I guess i going tom have a good cry ....................