Well I see the heart doctor on wednesday so still waiting but my swelling is getting worst even on the lasik. So I sure hope he has another plan of action and I know he said no stress it seems when they say that. Stress comes out of the woodwork. I guess i need to lock myself in my bedroom away from everyone and everything... My famaily is so stress out and i understand that they are but I am also stress out and they are making it worse I know I am always verybody safe person no matter who they are mad at I seem to be the one they take it out on ..... and right now they are doing that ..... and I am having a hared time dealing with it plus the illness and new heart thing and the holidays and etc ..... Tonight everyone is gone and I am thankful to have some peace and quiet and some alone time so I can cry .... I know it not going to be good news at the heart doctor I can feel it and my chest pains are getting worse by the minute not to mention I having a hard time brreathing...But I am trying to stay calm til I have some answers.... I did spend alittle time with the girls today that was nice Britt went and pick us up lunch ... It sometimes hard to get mom and daugter time as they get older but I like to keep up to date on everything they are doing and how they are dealting with everything..sometimes that helps them because it gives them the chance to ask questions if they feel they need too .... sometimes I have the answers and sometimes I don't ... today was one of the days I don't know all the answers but just told them we have to trust god and know that the doctors know what they are doing and in the mean time it important for us to make happy memories that they can hold close to their heart... I told them noone can take your memorys away froom you that is something you will always have.. and I told to remember that I always like to make them laugh and make our house a happy house where people wanted to be in these days some kids never want to be around but at our house everyone like to hang out and everyone is always welcome so I told to remember all the fun times we have had with their friends and our family... They promise they would ... well i getting really tired so I think I going to go to bed early ........