Started out fine..ended up feeling down
I had a good morning...took a tour of a prospective nursery for Harry which was absolutely lovely and I am registering him on Thursday. I was so pleased that I had found one so quickly that had spaces and had an outstanding record from OFSTED. Harry and I went and got a few more Christmas bits. Came home, looked at Steves assignment and corrected it - his tutor said he should get someone to hel him out on this, he is doing fantastic and I can see his writing is growing. His last mark was 98% - fantastic! I had borrowed my Mum's car so had to pick her up from work lunchtime so she could have it back. She came out in a semi-alright mood. I asked her if I could just pop down to the doctors to pick up my prescription and she jumped down my throat, so I retalaliated and ended up not speaking to eachother. Resulted in us coming in, not saying many words and resulted in her slamming the door. She called shortly after to apologise and ended up in tears on the phone...I just don't know...I know she is not getting on with work or some of her colleagues - she hates it there, but won't find another job...she is having her debts managed by a charity debt management company which I have sorted out for her. She has to tighten her purse strings as she simply does not earn enough to cover her bills even with our housekeeping, which is more than enough. I sometimes wonder if she looks at me as the bad person who is restricting her. My Mum and I aren't that far apart in age, she had me when she was 15yrs old, having a young mother is hard sometimes as I sometimes end up taking the role of the adult whilst she acts like a child.I have so many things going on right now that it all came to a head this afternoon and I just broke down in tears. I am not only trying to contend with my own financial affairs, and trying not to lose my house to repossession, I am starting at University, embarking on a new career, saying goodbye to Harry and looking after him full time, sorting out my Mums financial problems, being there for Steve (although this is taking a back seat and he makes me feel so guilty), helping him with his studies, I feel like we are arguing more, and I am nagging so much, but he does nothing to help himself and at times is damn right lazy. My Mum nags him as well which doesn't help and I sometimes wonder about the state of our marriage and if we will weather this next phase of our life...I just don;t know anymore...I just feel so low at the moment...then I think, is it the dexamethasone I am on, I have been on this damn dex test for 5 days now, peeing in so many jugs and blood draws. My MRI has now been rescheduled for next Thursday 29th - its good that I am having done this year but I absolutely hate MRI machines, they are so horrible...but it has to be done.I can't believe its going to be Christmas in a few days. We can't afford anything and don't have much for Harry. Not sure how we're going to work out the food list either...I don't know...another late night tonight with taking the dex at 3am, so sleeping on the settee again. Boy, I am glum... :(Oh yes... and another rant - I hit my ingrowing toenail with the hoover and it bled all over the floor...I really don't know how I am going to fit in the surgery for that with everything else that is happening and it hurts like hell!!!
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