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another day in life of steroids


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Well it Thursday early in the am and I can't sleep even though I took two sleeping pills... Nothing seems to help me sleep lately ... Well i seen the heart Doctor today and he says my heart is not causing the problem but becasue of the swelling my heart is getting enlarge so he says we must find out why I am swelling to prevent any further heart damage... He beleives the pit tumor is producing something and that my body is reacting to it so that it swelling so he is sending back to neuro surgeron ... I talked with his nurse she said they were out today but she call me in the am when I told her bad the swelling was she said I better see him right away..... so hopeful he will work me in soon.... in the mean time the heart doctor up my fluid meds but that scares me as it get my levels off and I start having black out... had one today that was not to much fun... But at least i didn't break any bones this time.... I getting so tired of all these doctors not communcating with each other and sometimes you get lost in the shuffle and my endo pa is out two weeks for surgery so that means no help from there til he gets back... Now I really going tto try to stay postive that they will remove the tumor and they will be able to level my meds better that way .. for one thing it could not be any worst then is not... I don't have much to lose by getting the gland taken out... I been so sick it dos't even seem like shristmas to me ... But I am trying for my kids and ken .... so at least they will have a good christmas... we had a full day here with doctors appointments and the boyfriend sover again I did have to deal with my ex husband today which a very stressful thing but we you have kids you have to deal but I did keep it short when he called and told him I am not up to a battle with you ... So I guess it wasn't too bad .. Hopefully I want have to deal with himagainn for awhile... I not sure I want him finding out how sick I am because he may become a major problem for me but Ken will deal with him of it comes to that we so try to get alone in front of the kids .. it has worked for us becaseuI do not want to put my girls in the middle.... Alot of people think we are stange becasue we do that but it works for us I am remarried and so is he so we all try to work it out so none of the kids are in the middle sometimes that is hard .. But it not the kids fault we married the wrong person so they should not have to endure problems for that... My ex is a great father to my youngest daugter but has no relationship with my older daugter as she understood to much and just tells him likes she sees it and she looks just like me so sometimes that is hard I do encouge britt to try and get some form of relationship with him but she is 18 now and it her decsion I told whatever she deciscides I will back her up ... I worried when I die How she will deal with it as I have been her one constant in her life ... I sorry that I will die when my kids are so young but the doctors say the steroids sre killing me and yet I can't stop taking them or I die So what AM I to do Hopefully the neuro will have some better news for me at least that is whhat I am praying for so that is kinda how my day went hopefully tomorrow will be better./,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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