It started out a fairly good morning, then Steve got a mood on and made a comment and there we are having a row in the car with Harry telling us to be quiet....not good....I felt so stressed, my head was pounding, I felt dizzy, I felt sick - I am not handling stress that well right now - reacting to situations. I hate it! I don't like arguing in front of Harry but both Steve and I got bees in our bonnets this morning and both went for the jugular. Was left with me not talking to him, dropped him off to work and we didn't say goodbye to eachother. He still hasn't made contact and I am still stewing...AAAAAHHHHHHGGGHHHH!!!

Harry has an appointment this afternoon with the Plastic Surgeon. His next back operation is coming up. he has 2 more and then that's it. The mole has nearly gone and he has a long horizontal scar across his lower back. They hope to tidy it all up when he has his last operation. He is such a brave little boy.

Right now I am feeling very useless, very redundant and fed up with life. I feel very fat, ugly and I don't have much love for myself right now. I know these are just feelings I have today and come this evening or tomorrow I will be in better spirits but right now I feel fed up with life.

I have so much going on in my head right now. Yesterday I thought I would get some plants and do some gardening. Stupidly I lifted some very heavy pots and strained my head, it hurt like hell and I was nearly physically sick, I was hot and perspiring and shaking like a leaf to the point of throwing up. I have really got to learn to stop when my body tells me to instead of pushing the boundaries.

Oh well, I am off to wallow in my own self-pity....