Well I'm very proud of myself. I went in and had the CSS Procedure done without being knocked out. I was originally scheduled for an IPSS Procedure but then on Thursday they called and said that they wanted to do the CSS Procedure instead. They didn't say why exactly the change but who cares, at least I'm getting somewhere.

The procedure itself wasn't all that bad. All I really felt was when they put the numbing stuff in my leg (which burned just a little) and then I could feel them moving the catheter around up until they got past my hip bone (yes I do still have one of those). Then I really felt it when they started taking the samples from my pituitary gland. And that wasn't all that pleasant, it was a sharp, piercing headache. But through out the whole thing they had me pretty drugged up, so it was OK.

I really felt the pain from it when they took me back to the recovery room. My legs were killing me at first, to where I was actually in tears. I of course tried to hold it in because I didn't wanna cry in front of my dad. Which seems to be the normal thing now-a-days. I hold in the tears a lot from the pain that I go through because I don't want anyone to think that I'm a baby or something. But anyhow they gave me an Oxy for the pain.

Nobody here has actually seen the extent of the amount of pain that I go through some days because I don't tell them and I won't cry out in front of them. I'm just taking it like a champ. But deep down I'm terrified of this whole disease and the treatment.

Also last Thursday OHSU called me with my new appointments, on Friday, September 7th I meet with Dr. Deshaw or something for surgery and then after that I meet with Dr. Flesurie to go over all of my test results or something. I'm so scared but I'm not gonna show anyone because I have to be strong through this.

I'm still going through the messed up sleeping patterns. Which really gets annoying after awhile. I just get so bored being up all night long and then sleeping most of the day, if I'm lucky. But last night/this morning wasn't so bad, I didn't really spend all that much time alone. Once I woke up we ate dinner and then I took a shower and watched a movie with Barb on LifeTime while I studied algebra. Then I called Grandpa Smith to do my weekly check-in and then I came back in here at about 9:30pm and was watching TV and checking my Email when Shawn came in to get me to go in their room room to watch a movie. Shawn, Marissa, & I watched 'Meet the Robinsons' and that got done at around 12:30am/1:00am. So then I went outside for about an hour or so and watched my dad sand/stain the deck but got bored and came back in. Then I went in the living room and was watching the 'Flintstones' with Marissa when Shawn came out and said that I need to watch some movie with my dad. So then I went in their room and lied down and watched 'The Pirate Movie.' So it wasn't all that bad this time.

The only thing that is really irritating me about the whole messed up sleeping thing is that now when the insomnia like things start happening every night I get this really gross taste in my mouth that is pretty much impossible to get rid of. Nothing seems to work. But I have some strong gum which seems to help a little bit.

I should be falling asleep relatively soon, I hope. It's almost 8:00am here and I think this is close to the time that I sometimes am able to fall asleep. Yesterday I don't think I feel asleep until around 12:30pm but thats only because AIU gave me a new adviser or whatever that has no idea of what I'm going through and kept calling me to go over stuff that I already had done. But whatever I guess.

Well that's enough for one journal entry.