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Feeling very alone in all this confusion



Well, I was officially diagnosed with a 2nd reccurrance a week ago and on Monday 8th October 2007 I go into hospital for 5 days as an in-patient for 'investigations'...on my most recent MRI it looks as if the recent pituitary appoplexy episode has caused my residual tumour to collapse into itself and has shrunk. By all intents and purposes after 2 surgeries and radiotherapy I should be heading for a cure but I am not and they are all baffled by it hence the tests. It could still be a pituitary source but now they want to investigate other sources too. I am more scared this time round then I was on the other two run ins with Cushings. This time there is uncertainty in the voices of those that I trust with my health. This time there are more unanswered questions and that worries me. The first time was clear cut - I looked like a typical Cushie and my MRI backed up a macroadenoma - I needed surgery and I needed it quickly...the 1st reccurrance was straightforward, my numbers and physical appearance as well as an MRI showing a regrowth of the residual tumour resulted in an urgent 2nd surgery...it all happened quickly...this time who knows and that's what scares me. Day by day I feel worse and worse and even over the past fortnight I know my health has detioriated and its happening fast. I really hope and pray that this week will answer some questions and things can move forward - a care plan can be put in place and I can have something positive to look forward to. I hate the waiting game...I hate it so much...I need focus...I need to know I WILL get better...I need to know I won't lose my life to this disease - it keeps biting me in the backside and I am just tired - I don;t want to be tired of fighting - its not me - but I am finding it hard this time.


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