well as we know the symptoms of cushings are really what the disease is all about. besides not feeling like a girl or anything, all the anxiety and depression really sets in and ruins your life. Today was my first full day or being on the most recent wean. Im now down to 40 mg a day, and a bad day it was. I can expect my wednesdays to be pretty rough. I was a lump in bed all morning and got pretty pissy with my sisters. I cried at lunch as usual when my moods act up. the really weird weather didnt help either. so an ehh day
yesterday my principle sent my schedule in the e-mail to my mom early so we could review it. Im really worried about going to school looking this way. I freaked over the schedule because I didnt get the semesters. my lunch switches from period 6 to 7 when the semester ends. I hate all that change because I would have already adjusted to that set of kids. but I guess really what bothers me is my apperance. I would probably get through the school day no matter how it was layed out if i was confident in my looks and personality in others view. I know i shouldnt care, but I cant lie and say I dont. I really do care what others think in some ways because I can see through the dumb smile and i know what they are really thinking. "whose that weirdo?" or "wow she got fat" they did it before my surgery, and thats why I broke down and had to leave school early.
I was taking a shower and I swear half my hair falls out everynight. I was looking at my scalp and stuff and i realized how much it thinned out. you can lift up the top layer and see my white scalp, sitting right there. It makes me cry....I really hate this. I think my mom wants me to see a pyshcologist or something to "vent" to. im starting to think I should too. I mean I realllllllly want to go back to school, I LOVE school honestly, but only if I look nice and feel confident going. that would include getting back my shape and my face, im sick of looking like a hairy thing swallowed by fat with little piggy eyes dotted in. is it too much to ask to be pretty again?
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