Lost it Tonight
I feel pretty badly. It started this afternoon with what I will call an awful episode that I have been having more often than not, and it seems to happen more upon waking after sleeping at night or whenever. My heart felt like it was going to run away from me and I felt so shaky and almost paranoid. I do have a lot of worries, but I am not sure which is causing which. I woke up like this feeling like I had a fever. I don't think I had one, but I felt so nauseous and dehydrated. This continued even though I managed to fold some clothes and vacuum a little bit and make the bed. Hubby got home and we went on a few errands and got some powerade. When we got back, needless to say...I lost my cool with him. I cannot blame him for all of it, because I had already been agitated. It just comes down to the basic same old same old sometimes and I just feel like he never listens to me, but I really lost it. I was so angry and said things I did not mean and I feel so badly about it. It didn't last long, but I feel like such a bad wife and such a failure. I could only apologize even though I had voiced my opinion and made him feel bad. I can only pray for forgiveness and hope that he won't hold this against me as I cannot hold things against him. I just am not able to handle any stress at all. I just want to crawl in a hole sometimes away from me and everyone else. I am managing barely. What else can I do? Just keep going I guess.
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