I am miserable
So, here I am sitting here at almost midnight thinking about how sick and overall crappy I feel. I guess that sounds pretty stupid. i have been struggling now for almost a year, i have been in the hospital twice for vision loss and hypertension/tachycardia, i have missed a lot of work, and i feel like my life is just a friggin mess. My doctors don't know what to do with me and frankly I don't know what to do with me. I live in pittsburgh for crying out loud, I work for UPMC as a freakin RN... why can't they fix me???????
I recently went to my endo and she said that I should cut down my diet to 800 calories a day.... WHAT? Who the heck eats that little? Sweedish supermodels thats who... If I did that I really think I would die.
She keeps saying that 'You look cushingoid, but we dont have the high cortisols and ACTH' Hello!? I have a 6mm pit tumor and I am the textbook picture of cushings... Why can't I get any highs?! Everything but my MRI was normal... Well, except my stupid ACTH which is freakin low... stupid pituitary... stupid tumor.
I am supposed to get married in May, I am fat, cranky, and just plain unattractive right now. I can't believe joe has stayed with me this long... I have so many picture of me before all this, and I used to think I was so fat. I would give anything to go back to that right now, its killing me. Well, I guess I am done feeling sorry for myself for now.