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Feeling like a fresh start


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Well, I woke up this morning feeling motivated and in need of a fresh start. Big changes have happened in my life and more changes are to come but this time I have a good feeling about it all and not one of dread as I had when I was ill. I am taking small steps to try and improve myself and day by day I am feeling more like 'me' and less like someone with a mass of symptoms. I am going to be 33 on Monday and I want my 33rd year to be one I remember with fond memories, it's not a milestone year but it is a new beginning. I still need to lose so much weight. My oldest and dearest friend has invited me to her wedding in September and I know there will be so many old schoolfriends there who I have not seen for years and I am scared...most of them know I have been ill and they are good people so I know they will voice concern but I still look different to how they remember me and the weight is a big issue. I debated about not going but she is my oldest and dearest friend and I would love to see her wearing that wedding dress, so I know I must swallow my pride and go.I received a birthday card from one of my other oldest friends. You see all of my old friends still keep in contact but we do it by email. When I became ill I made it clear that I wanted to be left alone and not see anyone, I was so stupid, these people could have enriched my life and I turned them away. My friend Rachel wrote in the card that we must meet up soon and she was very adamant about it. She has a daughter who is my God daughter and I have not seen her since she was a baby. I know now is the time I need to make the small steps into making friends again and rekindling old friendships.Well, I am off to play Star Wars with Harry. It is 7:15am and he is fully dressed in his Darth Vadar costume and we have Return of the Jedi playing on the video. God, the things we have to do as parents!! May the force be with you...5:00pmI've been on and off the computer all day, checking posts. It really saddens me when I read about some of your fights to get answers, it just seems like it is an endless battle with this disease. It's bad enough battling the symptoms but when you have to battle the people that are there to help you it just turns crazy. I really hope and pray that one day the diagnosis for this disease will become straightforward. I've felt really tired today. Herry has developed a cold and I have had a sore throat all day, I hope it will pass, I hate getting colds as I find it takes a long time to shift them but I have been fortunate that I haven't had one yet. Also I am still getting the pain at the top of my nose beteen my eyes. I should really call the endo nurse and ask her advice.. I will pull my finger out, I promise! Well I will leave it there for today. I am very tired so am going to go and stick my feet up.

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