medcats10

I got a beautiful surprise when I woke up this morning. Katelynn had left me a message last night that she had presents from me, and this morning she knocked on my door looking about to burst. She had a Christmas card that she had "adapted" into a "good-luck-on-your-surgery-card," and she had made me a bracelet, and she gave me one of her favorite stuffed dogs. She promised to be my nurse and take care of me after my surgery. I was so proud of her, and just gave her a huge bear hug. Then tonight I went to church for our monthly women's meeting. We were having a "white elephant" exchange. I was using my wheelchair tonight, and two girls were there from the children's choir I help lead. They helped me pick out my "gifts" when it was my turn. I ended up with a wooden tissue holder with a handle to carry it around, decorated with little hearts on it. We decided that was great for me, for after brain surgery, and the whole children's choir was going to sign it for me, and the two girls started by signing their names tonight. I almost started crying, as I thought how blessed my life was. Praise You in This Storm By Casting Crowns I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You and raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away Chorus I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth Chorus

I play poker almost every weeknight. Texas Hold'em. I really enjoy playing, and am pretty good if I do say so myself. I like going there because for a few hours I feel half-way normal, I get to flirt and joke, and be young. Lately though I have been very exhausted and my muscles have been very sore, so I have been using my wheelchair a lot. People then look at me a lot different. You know I don't want people's pity, and when I am using the chair, for some reason I become even more stubbornly independent. I don't want people to help me, and would rather struggle to do something than take someone's assistance I know, stupid, huh? It is like it is my statement that the only thing this disease hasn't taken from me is my independence, my dignity. Tonight I didn't need the wheelchair but my brain just didn't want to work. I was in such a fog, but was in a good mood, and the guys I was playing with realized that if they kept me talking I couldn't do two things at once and I went out pretty quick. It was fine, and I just gave them a hard time of taking advantage of the "disabled"! I actually have opened up to some people about what is going on in my life and have made some new friends. I just look around though, at everyone else my age, and they are married, and have kids, and I go every night by myself, and there are some nights where I feel so alone. So, I came home tonight, and my 10 y/o neighbor has been sick with strep since this weekend. She has had 48 hours of antibiotics, so I felt safe going over and checking on her. She had called me yesterday saying she had really bad cold sores all over her mouth, so I suggested to her mom she buy some L-Lysine and call her pediatrician. When I called to check on her this morning, her mom had still not bought her the medicine, which costs a whole $2.75. Her mother "said" she called the doctor, and that he said the medicine for her throat would help her face. I am not sure if she really didn't call, or the doctor is just not that great, but antibiotics don't work on the HSV-I virus that causes cold sores. So I bought the L-Lysine after my game and took it over to her, and when I saw how bad her face looks I was disgusted with her parents. She can't even open her mouth because there are sores around the corners of both sides of her mouth and she says there are sores on the inside of her mouth, gums and tongue. She refused to swallow the big pill, and didn't like the taste of it crushed, and it was late, so we will have to work on getting the medicine down tomorrow morning. But while I was attending to my neighbor and comforting her in bed, her mom just turned out her own bedroom light and went to sleep. It just makes me so sad everyday that this little girl lives like this. I wish I was cured right now so I could file a private petition for custody, and we could move somewhere far away and start a new life over. But for now I just take care of her, protect her, guide her, teach her, and pray. Here is a song I heard the other day that I decided to make the new anthem of my life, I am standing my ground! It is by Natalie Grant. "Will Not Be Moved" I have been the wayward child I have acted out I have questioned Sovereignty And had my share of doubt And though sometimes my prayers feel like They're bouncing off the sky The hand I hold won't let me go And is the reason why... [Chorus:] I will stumble I will fall down But I will not be moved I will make mistakes I will face heartache But I will not be moved On Christ the Solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand I will not be moved Bitterness has plagued my heart Many times before My life has been like broken glass And I have kept the score Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed That I was far too gone My brokenness helped me to see It's grace I'm standing on [Chorus] And the chaos in my life Has been a badge I've worn Though I have been torn I will not be moved [Chorus]

I can't believe the insomnia lately. Usually I don't have a subjective sense of tiredness, so it doesn't really bother me. I can stay up and find some random thing to do, laundry, dishes, online poker, or just stare at the ceiling pondering the meaning of life. But after 14 days of only 2-4 hours of sleep a day, even if you don't feel tired, you start to feel tired, ya know what I mean? And right now I am dealing with teenage dogs, and they are driving me just about crazy!! I have a 2 year old black lab/pitbull mix. Everyone tells me what a beautiful dog she is, she has the most gorgeous coat. Well about 10 months ago I got a new puppy, she is a shepherd/chow mix (not uite the beauty her sister is, but special in her own way). My lab is pretty much full grown and topped out at about 65lbs. Well the puppy turns a year old in a few weeks and she is about 70-75lbs, and I figure will probably add 10-15 more before she reaches her full adult weight. So the lab has decided to revert back to her wild pack instincts, and has started randomly attacking the larger puppy, just to remind her that she is the alpha dog. What is funny is that my puppy has such a submissive attitude even if she weighed 100lbs, I think she would roll over and show her belly. But now every time I leave I have to crate them in separate crates, and keep a pot and metal spoon handy in the house as well as a squirt bottle in case a tussle breaks out in the house. I can't wait until I have human teenagers!!! By then the dogs will be to old to sic on the kids! It is another hot night in Tucson. How I wish I had the motivation/strength/eyesight/gas money to go for a drive up Mt. Lemmon, and gaze up at the stars from the cool mountain air. Instead, I have the cooler on, windows closed, and am settling for Law and Order and puppy kisses. G'night!