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Mom first

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  1. Well I am feeling pretty good. I got to this before the week was up so I can technically say I have entered two blogs this week! Yeah for me! Of course, my friend Tami would probably say that is not very good. She is a daily entryer! How do you like that word. It has been a good week. Despite the testing I had to do...and waiting..(still) for the testing to come back..I had a lot of fun! I rode a horse for the first time in eons. That was fun! Made me wish it could be a daily occurance. I am very anxious to get the 24 hr cortisol test back. I seem like I was on a low last week, thinner, no energy, so maybe we caught a good number?! Who knows. I sure hope they call tomorrow. I decided disease is for ugly people. Meaning, if you don't look drawn and peaked, or rattered and homely, then are you really sick?! I don't know. Can you make yourself not be sick by prettying up? I get the "but you look so good" statement ALOT. It has been bothering me lately. I guess because my readings on my levels are so bad and knowing my heart is struggling to keep up with me, I keep thinking, the outside can look better than the inside. We are always told beauty is on the inside. Meaning spirit. So, what is the actual disease that is eating up the inside of me?! Physical, true. Then what is the outside of me that can be fixed to look like disease is a million miles from me?!.....is that emotional?!? Whatever it is, I want to walk down the street with the "pretties", knowing I fit in because I look like them, when I come home, I can crawl into my bed and let the disease have control for a time but then it has to surrender to being pretty again. This is so tiring though. I shall find a way to conquer. Or is it time to give in and let disease win on the outside too. I am not ready for that. Goodnight for now.
  2. Well today is my first blog ever! I used to write in journals but this may be fun. So it is Monday, October 12, 2009 and I am hoping to get my MRI results from Saturday today. The part of this Cushings I hate the absolute most is the testing. Waiting. Not my forte. Well, of course, I also hate the fluctuating weight and trying to explain that no, I really haven't been eating bon bons all day and no, I haven't been on a diet when the pedulum swings the opposite way. Of course, the weight loss numbers and the weight gain numbers never match and so the pounds slowly creep up month by month. My transphenoidal surgery in 2004 was not successful so I underwent Cyberknife in April of 2009. It is looking unsuccessful as well......thus the waiting game right now. So for today, I am going to be thankful for the fact that I can breathe, thankful that I have been blessed with two children before this disease struck, thankful that I have a supportive husband and wonderful friends that listen to me complain.....ALOT....and I will be thankful that I have found a new way to chart my course. Hopefully, it will give someone a little humor at times and give me a way to vent! Now I am off to the adventures that await me today!
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