Today is a better day. I had a low run that lasted about a week and I'm starting to come out of it. I was up until 3:30am this morning. It's funny that during my highs where I get little sleep, I feel better than when I get tons of sleep in my lows. I've had a problem with anxiety lately. I can feel it coming on early. I get pressure in my chest and become very aware of my breathing. I get really concerned that I'm not getting enough air or that I'm wheezing when I'm not. No wonder I've been labled as a hypochondriac! I hate that word by the way. I know that something is wrong with my body and I've been very verbal about it. I think I've always been sensitive to my body and I always know when something is wrong. I have a bottle of Klonopin and I take .25mg - .5mg as needed. My doctor prescribed it so I take .5 in the am and 1mg at night, but it seems to make me really tired so the smaller doses help- I can still function. Today is kind of humid and cloudy. I didn't leave the apartment once today and am still in my pj's at 7:30pm AND I'm totally ok with that. I'm not depressed at all; I've done laundry, finished a book, changed the sheets on my bed and did the dishes. I just enjoy the comfort of the pj's on occasion
I'm getting concerned about my job. I took FMLA leave in Sept (I can't believe I've been off work for six months now!) and it's up next week. I really hope my job will stay around for me to return to. I love my job, the pay is good and not to mention the medical insurance that I need more than anything right now. I'm also hoping that the adjuster that's handling my STD claim will continue my salary and transition me into LTD. I'm not sure what I'd do if I get cut off. I know I can't go back to work right now, but know I will be able to return sometime. I started worrying about all this after I realized my supervisor hadn't responded to my last two medical updates to her. She was very supportive and communicated with me on a regular basis in the beginning. Now, nothing. I'm hoping she's just busy and it's not that they're planning on letting me go.