Ups and downs yet again...
I have been feeling off sorts for a couple of weeks now. It was all going swimmingly for a while after starting the HRT. I had more energy and enthusiasm for life and then it all started to ebb off. I am having to take naps every day now. Granted I am up early in the morning but I am still getting very tired. I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm too. Maybe its the change of season, who knows? The HRT finally worked anyway and I had my first period in a very long time and am once again a woman...LOL!! Oh, joy! Need it like a hole in the head. The drawbacks are that I have had a very hormonally challenged 2 weeks getting quite emotional all the time and having fits of tears and sadness. Could also be that I am missing work so much and am feeling rather isolated and lonely again. I am finding it hard to make friends here. Always concious of having Cushings and physically looking obese and round, red faced. I cannot just go up and introduce myself to people even though I am a bubbly and chatty person when I get started. I took my son to a party yesterday and the Mum commented on how red my face looked. She asked why? She thought I was blushing badly!! I didn't know her from Adam and I felt it quite personal and intrusive that she asked. I initially said I feel hot and then I said I was diabetic...no mention of Cushings...I don;t like to say I have a disease for fear I get that look as though they might catch something.
The loneliness I feel right now is so overwhelming and I do hate feeling sad like this. I am usually quite positive externally and try my best not to project my inner feelings on others but of late its getting hard. I have a day curve on Tuesday but don't see my endo until December. I am just losing faith in everything. Time for a re-evauation I think. I need to shake this off and focus.
I even applied for a fantastic job at a local Publishers. Fit me to a tee. They invited me to interview and sent me the full job spec. When I received it I discovered I would have to manage people...I froze...in a World without Cushings, I would have jumped at the opportunity and gone to the interview with gusto...however I emailed personnel and made up an excuse that I couldn't attend the interview...the person I once was has gone and that made me incredibly sad.