superc

I truly thought that this year would be different! I finished my shopping before December, and prepared for the month of Christmas! I was hoping that, after several years, I could finally just celebrate the season and not carry my illness throughout the holidays with me. I was wrong. I HAVE tried to enjoy the holidays, but now I find myself completely exhausted! I am ready to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head for the next week! This is not me! I just can't find the energy and strength to recover from holiday celebrations! Maybe I pushed myself too far, but I truly believe this illness is taking its toll, again! I am EXHAUSTED!!! I can't find the strength to put away the decorations, but I can't seem to sleep either. I can only hope and pray that 2009 will bring me the answers that I need and I continue to pray for complete healing!!! I know others are dealing with this, too. It's new to me only in the past few years. I just want to have the hope that things WILL get better!

Hello, everyone! I hope all of you are doing well, and that this Christmas will be a time of peace and thanksgiving...for all of those you love and for the lives that God has blessed you with! I just had to share my latest revelation with you! During my time of depression and illness, there has been one song that has carried me thru...Natalie Grant's "The Real Me". If you get a chance, it's worth a listen! Anyway, God laid it upon my heart that I was supposed to share about my depression and struggles during the past few years. Now, you all know me very well, that is a VERY difficult topic for me! I have always strived to be perfect...perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect children...perfect ME! But, God is convicting me in this. There is no perfection except for the little baby who was born to a virgin on Christmas Day! HE is the only perfect "One". And I have exhausted myself all these years to be like Him! I don't mean that I will give up trying! I can only hope and pray that my life in, (even the slightest bit,) replicates what my Lord and Saviour mean to me! I will continue this mission until the day I go to be with Him! But, here is what he has shown me...I am not meant to be perfect. I am not meant to live the "perfect" life! It is only in my imperfections that I am able to show the Lord's mark on my life! I am broken. I can admit that. I suffer from an illness called depression. I can accept that. I do not live for my pleasure and satisfaction. I live so that others may know His healing power and grace! If one soul is saved because of my struggle, then I would do it a hundred times over! I will be giving this testimony and singing this song in my church in the near future. Please pray that God will touch lives. Please pray that I will have the strength of conviction to let go of "me" and concentrate on HIM! I am not, yet, thankful for this illness. BUT, I am thankful that God is still at work in my life! I have a long journey, but I feel His presence! May all of you feel it, too! Love you so much,Cindy