Just thought I'd start posting my poems here - sometimes when I feel down or fed up or well you know, I usually write poems to get rid of all my stress...one of the ways to de-stress anyway...Time:Time is a healer, or so I am toldBut as time goes by, the more I feel old.Each day that passes seems bleaker then the last,My future seems dim now, so I live in the past.I can?t see the forward; I am forever looking back,Way over my shoulder, ?cause the ahead just seems black.I just want a light, just a glint of light,That?ll make my future one that is bright.They say we create our own path of fate,With things that we do that land on our plate.I just wish that my platter could be filled with all good,And I can live a good life the best that I could.(23/07/05)The life that I am:Sadness engulfs me with each day that comesI just wish that the day would endI don?t know what to do; I don?t know what to sayI just need someone to listen, to make it all go awayBut nothing changes; my life is the same,And I have no one but me to blame.I just need a fresh start,A new lease of lifeI want to be a good motherI want to be a good wifeBut I just keep feeling so sad and aloneNo one to talk to, not even to phonePlease don?t judge me, I try to be the best I canBut just trying is tiring and you don?t understandI just want a good life, a simple life, a planI just want a nice home, a purpose, and some strengthTo make my life special for as special as I amIt so breaks my heart to see what I have done,Where I?ve been, where I?m going and where I am fromMy life goes up and then comes crashing downAnd all I seem to do is wear a sad face and a frownPick me ups, bring me downTo the depths of the earthJust seem to resign myself to the fact nothing worksJust want to walk away from all of this messBut the pull of my loved ones stops meJust want to leave this place but I can?t, I just can?tBecause everyone will judge meI love you my boy, you are my lifeYou are what keeps me here, sadly.Any you, my dear, I wish I could be the wifeThat you want me to be, but I?m notI wish I could give you the life that you yearnBut instead, I just turn it badI wish each day could bring us new lifeBut instead it just makes us both sadAnd you, my Mum, sometimes I wish,You could be like other Mums actI love you dearly but I wish you could seeAnd understand me, for I would do my best for youBut you ignore that factYou have never really hugged me and told me you?re proudYou say it in material waysBut I need much more then you can give meAnd that is how ?we? are madeDad, you have truly destroyed my faithIn how blood ties should beYou have jaded my views, and cast a grey cloudOver my life, my home, my familyYou made such a bad choice all those years agoYou threw me away like a scrapYou have ignored me since, turned your back all this timeAnd for that, I could never forgiveI just wish my life could take a good turn,I just wish it would start to mean moreFor something so precious, to cherish, to live,Should not be taken so lightlyShould not be there to ignoreSo I will end it there, I?ve said my bitI have nothing more left to sayI need to move on, I need to start againI need to see in another day(23/07/05)Cushings:The pain, you don?t know how much it hurtsI can?t move an inch without it tearing me insideI feel so old; I am not on the outsideWhy is this happening, why me, why me.I?ve changed, I have, I wish I was me againI?ve lost all strength, I can?t walk any moreAnd my head, oh my head, how it aches all the time,Can?t sleep, wide awake, nothing is fineI don?t want to see anyone, want to hide awayI count down the hours to another dayAnd all I know is I just want to be me againI just want my life backI just want my friends backBut each day something else happens to stop that happeningI can?t control this diseaseIt is sucking the soul from meEating away at meTaking my life from under meAnd I can?t do a thingPlease, please save meSave me from this torture, this painPlease god just hear my prayersI know I?ve ignored you all of my lifeBut I need you right now, to give me peaceTo help me, to heal me, to save me from death,Because I feel I could die with each waking breathI want this to end but I want to be meI want to be well again and I want to be free.(23/07/05)Living in the past:I stopped looking forward the day I fell illI lost the will to liveWith each day, with every pillI cannot forget, or forgiveThe memories I have I want to re-liveThe good times, the fun, the laughterI wish I was there, not hereLiving in happily ever afterGod, they were good times,The best, full of funWe?d get drunk; we?d laugh our socks offSay something rude, make a jokeBut these days just sarcastic commentsNo drinks just ice and cokeOh, I want adventure, I want excitement, I want to feel aliveI don?t want this stress, oh what a messIt?s living, for what I striveWe?re not living, you see, we?re existingWe?re watching it all go byWe?re emotionally attached to a whole bunch of crapAnd we?re trying to denyThat we feel this way, we?re blocking it outWe?re trying not to admit things aren?t rightBut the stress of it all and god there is so much stressJust makes us lash out and fightWhy can?t we just take stock and remember the days,Remember when we felt aliveAnd reach back for those days, pull them into the nowI don?t know with what means, I don?t know howIt will be hard, but it will be nearIt may take some months or even a yearIt may take longer but who cares just as longAs we start living for the future and for once we belong(23/07/05)The fight to go on:Trying hard to fight back the tearsThinking of all those wasted yearsKnowing things won?t changeNothing will be the same ? againTrying to comfort myselfKnowing the World doesn?t forgive you when you?re downNo-one?s around, but me and my thoughtsTrying so hard I just cannot seeHow these things have happened to meI tried to be good, I tried to do well,Oh well,With all of my strengthAnd day by day,I try to break free,Get out, get awayBut as try as I mightI am losing the fightI can?t stay, I can?t stayLooking around me, what do I seeRemnants of good times, of past memoriesIt?s hard to be here, fed up with the tearsSo I pray, so I pray.Forgive me my god, I tried all I couldI try even harder, I could if I wouldBut as things get tough, I just lose the fightI cry harder, tears flowing all through the night.Someone give me their handPull me out of this darkI know I can do betterI?ll make my markBut it?s never gonna be easyThe future is starkNo favours are givenNo help is at handNo light at the endOf that tunnel so blandSoldier on, get on with lifeLost all faith, full of strifeNothing can save me; I know that?s trueNothing can save me, not even you(24/07/05)What a great feeling:Thoughts of moving on, making the moveNothing to owe, nothing to proveMake a fresh start, starting a newThings to see, things to doWhat a great feeling, starting againNo more stress, make new friendsAnd see old ones too, but walk in with prideNot hunched over with things to hideWhat a great feeling, to not have the stressOf wondering how we?ll get out of this messStarting afresh, starting againNo more stress, that will all end(24/07/05)New beginnings:I want to live in a place where ICan sit in the garden and look at the skyA place to relax, to escape and enjoyA place for me, my husband and boySomewhere close to things to doPlaces to visit and lots more tooA comfortable place, a place I call mineA place to erase all traces of time(24/07/05)