I have to go to work everyday because I have to build up my time for time off for my surgery. I will still have to take Family Leave Medical Act for my time off as it will be without pay. But I will still have a job to come back to.

Mondays are bad enough, but I have gained a bit of strength during the weekend when I get to take a little nap in the daytime. Nights are horrible as the cortisol levels are so high I wake up every hour on the hour or half hour, and get no rest.

By the time Thursday gets here, I am utterly exhausted and then I think all day I have to come in tomorrow. Its killing me. I have one more week to do this and one more day then my surgery date.

Can I make it? Sometimes I wonder if i will or not. I am foggy brained, look horrible, co workers can tell what type of night i had due to the way i walk and talk. Slowly, and sometime I dont say anything at all. Eyes half closed, body does not want to function, and my heart palpitations keep doing their thing, so I take ativan and the fatigue gets worse.

Sometimes dizzy spells, and woozy spells....and I cannot even function. I begged to go home one day for fear I would pass out at work.

Think? Concentrate? what is that? Did i used to know how to accomplish those two things? Relax is not in my vocabulary either, I guess after the surgery it will be a learned task. I hope I succeed.

I am now concerned about having to get my emergency kit before I go to surgery, but from whom do I get it? And I read that I should have hydro and florinef (if needed) filled before my surgery. Also the emergency bracelet...but what should i have it say? I want to be prepared but really am at a loss. Like I need someone to tell me what to do since right now I dont seem to be able to think for myself.

Any lists for me please let me know.

Thank you in advance,

Renata