Well it is Sunday afternoon and ken just left to go back on the road, This weekend was hard as everyone is having a hard time with me being so ill. Brittany is scared so she is acting out she has a type A personility add that to Ken type A personality and him being scared sometimes that can lead to a very stressful place. THey had a blow up today I don't even know about what it was something little but it became a major battle. These stress sitition takes so much out of me emtiomaly. It take me a week to get over it. And to think the heart doctor said No stress what a laugh. I guess he must not have children. I trying to help all of them deal with this but I havn't had time to deal with it myself. I have got to find something postive to do with my life. Something to look forward too right no I look forward to nothing and sometimes I think if I was still working that would help because I would be doing something productive and I feel like i was doing something to help I am usually so indepent but since I gotten so sick I have to depend on others and that is hard for me and also I am fix it person. I always been the one who helps everyone I not good at letting people help me. I think i need to find something for some me time but i not sure what that could be. I enjoy reading that has always been therputic for me. I was wanting to join the gym so I could swim I wonder if the doctors will let me do that. I got to something postive to do, so that I have something to look forward too.... IT DOSN'T EVEN FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS TO ME RIGHT NOW.... bUT i WILL PUT ON A HAPPY FACE FORTHE KIDS AND KEN ..... I hope on wednesday when I see the doctor thatb it won't be horriable and we can come up with a plan of action.... I will do alot of research on this before so I will know the questions to ask I always like to be inform and friday I was so shocked that I didn't knnow what to ask... So this is my plan for the week1) do research on congestive heart failure 2) find something postive to do 3) TRY TO GET IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT4) try to do some fun things with the girls 5) see the heart doctor on wednesday So now at least I have a plan of action and that always a good thing.......maybe making a list of things to do that will help well going to run now