Well I am sitting here 233 am you can see I having one of the sleepless night that happens to so many of us that suffer with this disease aand i really I drop today as I have had the most stressful two days. I trying to keep my spirts up but that is sometimes not the easies thing to do when you family is falling apart. Ken dicide that for some stange reason to lash out at me say becasue of my illness we can't plan six moths ahead and I asked him why not he says becaus ethe doctors say we may not have that long and what I said to him ok if we loook at like that But we could plan to live and put our faith in God showing us what to do. I tell I am thankful every morning when aI can wake up deal with 4 teenagers even though I know the stress is so hard on me. I told him all this this morning. I like to say I was calm and collective but yesterday he was yelling at me instead of him telling me this morning that verytime he calls he scare they going to tell me i am gone and i realize this is so hard for him and I wish he just tell me more of what he is thinking instead of waiting to he blows up. I think what scares me the most is because we really don't argue but when we do it drains me so much takes me weeks to regroup. Maybe I should tell him so much and just deal with this on my own. I talked with my best friend Sherry last night and she says i not defending Ken but you need to realize he scared he losing and dosn't know what to do to stop that. she maybe for a little i should go back to talking with her and give him a breather. and if that wasn't enough I pass one of the kidney stones at home at that was not a nice feeling... then of course all four of our kids had melt downs I guess when it rains it pours. I just want the doctors to give me some answers I need to get better to hold it all together here.I know tomorrow is going to be a better day I cannot imagine it being worst today Well i guess it just a vending email as i don't trust anyone enough to vent in person Tomorrow will be a better day I looking for a wonderful stress less day kandy