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Saz's Blog

A blog by saz in General

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About this blog

One Day At A Time (Or The Incessant Gibbering of a Demented Mind)

Entries in this blog

Doctors! AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH

Yesterday was my breast clinic appointment. The results were all clear. Finally, a result I wanted! I went to see my doctor today and she is going to look into the endometriosis. She says the neuro isn't prepared to see me for the raised intracranial pressure. He is determined his diagnosis of migraine was correct, and won't budge. It is a very sad state of affairs that he won't even discuss it with me. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. I have to find another way to get tested. And I will f
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Check-in

I can't believe how long it has been since I last checked in. That's probably because I don't have anything to say. Life is kind of stagnant right now. My symptoms are all still there, although slightly less prominant now that I am taking it easy and not working. The problem is that now, new things are starting to show up. I have a lump in my breast I am waiting to have checked. I have a black spot in my vision that the optician is concerned about, though she says my eyes look healthy enough. I
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Trying to be upbeat

It seems I only ever seem to write anything in here when I'm feeling down, so I thought I would write a quick update today while I am feeling relatively upbeat. Life is ok at the minute. Being off work has allowed me to relax a little, and I feel less tired and worn out than before, although I still have my bad days. It is getting to where I can't walk any distance at all without having to rest a while, and they can't blame the fact that this is getting worse on my weight, because I'm not gettin
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All Over the Place

I don't know how to feel right now. I got two letters in the post on Wednesday. One was a brown envelope from the hospital, the other was a package. The package turned out to be an announcement that I have won a writing competition and one of my short stories will appear in a book to be published in October. That was fantastic news. The letter was a request from the hospital to go for a second ultrasound of my ovaries on the 7th August. I went for one a few weeks ago, because they were lookin
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Long Time No Speak

It's been a while since I blogged, and a lot has happened since I last did. I went to see a wonderful endo. He was cautious, insisting that Cushing's is rare, and while he does a lot of tests for it, he rarely finds it. Nevertheless, he admits that nothing else explains my illness and there is no point in discussing what else it might be until we are sure it isn't Cushing's. The tests were in May. I'm still waiting for the results... If nothing else, this ordeal is teaching me to be patient. I
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Never Ending

Today is a bad day. I am struggling so much I don't know how much longer I will be able to cope. I am tired, tearful, and so sore everywhere. My head is so painful all the time. I am at work, trying to get through another day, but I don't think I can go on like this. It is just too much. And yet I am afraid of being weak, of giving in, of disappointing the people who believe in me and need to see me coping with this. I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is getting just to get up
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Doctors!

I went to the hospital yesterday for a follow up appointment. It went well. Ok, well is an exaggeration, but at least she didn't tell me I was stupid, or call me a liar. Sure, she implied it, but that's progress!! They are now leaning towards PCOS, with no grounding for it whatsoever, except the weight gain. My periods are normal, I have no unusual hair growth, and I have roughly 20 symptoms that aren't explained by PCOS, but hey, it's more common, and the treatment is simpler, so let's pretend
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Up and Down and Up and Down

Ok, so last Thursday was a bit of a nightmare. I woke up feeling rough, my stretch marks were almost invisible, and I my head was killing me. I'm guessing that was a low. Then, around 11am, the stretchmarks suddenly turned DARK purple, and I was suddenly more depressed than Ive felt in a long time. That lasted most of the day, then the mood and the stretchmarks calmed down around tea time. I have to guess from this that these feelings of sadness, isolation and desperation are a symptom of a high
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Grey Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

I have to believe that things are going to get better, because if I don't believe it, I won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow. I am so lucky to have my husband. Matt is the only reason I have coped this long, but I'm not sure I am strong enough to keep going any more. I am amazed and in awe daily of the way so many others deal with this illness and manage to keep a smile on their faces. Matt says I am strong enough to handle whatever life throws at me, after all, God only gives you as much as
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Time For A Change

I can't believe how time gets away! It's almost May already and I still haven't read a book my husband got me for Christmas. There just doesn't seem to be enough time to do anything any more. I went to the neurologist this morning. She looked through my file and said, everything has come back normal, so basically, you are a normal person who suffers from migraines. I wish!! Oh well, what did I expect, seriously? On top of that, I feel like I am getting no support from my bosses whatsoever.
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Someone believes me!

Wow, I went to the docs on Tuesday evening, and she was so kind. She says I tick all the boxes for an endocrine related illness. She is actually taking me seriously!! I've waited so long for this. Yesterday was an ok day. Very tired, but what's new?? Today, I'm having a problem with words, keep saying random things that don't make any sense. It makes me sound like such an idiot. Oh well, I guess it's better than most of the other symptoms. Anyway, it's almost Easter, yay! So I am going to
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Angry and I don't know why

I am having the worst day. I am so angry at everything. My colleague, who is actually very sweet, is in serious danger of getting slapped if she looks at me again, and I want to SCREAM.   This is awful. I don't want to feel like this. I feel like I have lost all control of my emotions.   I have been trying for a week to get an appointment with my doctor, but I still haven't managed to get one. They don't seem to understand that this is important.   WHY WON'T THEY HELP ME????   I thin
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Good Weekend

Ok, so after a couple of throw-myself-off-a-bridge days, my weekend was surprisingly good.   Saturday was the first day in weeks that I've had enough energy to do anything around the house. I got up early, cleaned, tidied, and cleared out my wardrobe. That was a huge job. I have put all the clothes I used to wear before I got ill away in a suitcase, to be brought out when I am back to my old self. It WILL happen.   Then I slept on the sofa for half the day.   On Sunday I slept in late a
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Lost

I am so miserable. I am having another really awful day; tired, weak, fed up, and I've noticed some rather gross stretch marks on my calves Yuck!! On top of this, my bosses have told me I can't reduce my hours at work, so I'm not sure how I am going to cope, and now I've just had the results of my first UFC back, and they are totally normal. I know I'm not the first person in the world this has happened to, and I shouldn't be feeling so sorry for myself, but I just can't take this today. I feel
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Feeling miserable

This has been one very long and very miserable day. I got up at the same time I do every day, but managed to take so long getting ready that by the time I left the house, I was running late. I had to power walk the quarter of a mile or whatever the distance is between my house and work, and by the time I got there, I was dead on my feet. I am so tired, my finger joints hurt, my head is killing me, and all I want to do is lie down in a dark room and cry. Will this ever end?   The consultant'
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