Okay. So i got a new cat so sue me! That makes two in two weeks So I have Sabbatha, or Sabby I have had her what two years this October. She's cool a real 'cat's cat.' Loves me of course [who wouldn't right?] but loves cats more. So when my beloved Shelli died on 5-31, I HAD to get another cat she was THAT sad. And driving me bonkers!So I got Callie, who is one of my four babies mom and I raised from one day old. Callie ah she is high strung didn't like all the competition at mom's house with
I knew once I did a UFC my high would go. Darn it I should have listened to myself. I felt my tumor turn off last night, I started to get very achy, and cold then I was walking with a co-worker and my body stopped, for about 5 sec I could not get my legs to go, I tried to say something to her and my words came out all jumbled. It felt like a short circut. I have been having the elecrical shocks lately, doc once told me they were parasthesias.(partial seizures). I immediatly got myself home and w
I have ups and downs, and if my previous blog entry shows anything - it's my hyper-sensitive irritability. No wonder I am headed towards a divorce. I'm sorry for misinterpreting Christy's comments and wanted to publicly apologize for how I reacted. Me ---->
They all say that when I find the right man, he will make me love myself but that's bull***. I don't need that I've HAD that. I've never BEEN with a man who didn't think I was fun and sexy and more. Well, not really. It isn't someone programming me with unacceptance for cushing's so much as it is me thinking, way and I mean WAY deep down, that why should anyone bother??? AND to further beat this horse I have to say it's been on my mind a lot. A LOT.But why would a healthy man want to put up with
There's nothing I dislike more than a weepy, dramatic good-bye post but I'll indulge myself for once. Christy quite obviously doesn't think I have Cushing's, no one knows what a 10 hour UFC is, doesn't look like a hump maybe just a small one. I have learned tons here and I am very thankful to MaryO for this website and boards - I think she should be officially commended. I don't feel very welcome or accepted here. Maybe it's because I shared my soon-to-be-ex-husband's thoughts on Munchausen ma
I cant post what i want to cause i didnt write it but i love this quick poem and a link to it is here>http://www.geocities.com/myronlysenko/myself.html
?I am attended by doctors, everywhere I am attended by doctors who inform me of my own interests.""I am ungrateful? You call me ungrateful? My life has been stolen from me? I'm living a life I have no wish to live. How did this happen??"If I were thinking clearly? then I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark and only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction? I live with it too.
I just have to go pick them up tomorrow. My GP is such a good guy. Thankfully he isn't in the Munchausen camp with my DH. I have an extra jug on hand, so since I am feeling 'high' I'll start a 24 hour urine in the morning. All of my 24h protein tests have trained me already. My oldest daughter broke a bone in her foot today and is supposed to stay off her feet and keep it elevated. In what world can you get an active 3-1/2 year old laying down like that? Goodness, I need strength. Tomorro
...I weren't so tired - a recurring theme in my blog entries. But I wish that I could live more, enjoy life more, be more "real" and I think I have to be less tired to accomplish all that.But what if I get less tired and find out that this is all that there is? Life is more than half over and there's nothing more for me, everything good that's supposed to happen already has. What a depressing thought.I'm not depressed right now, but these down-type feelings keep creeping into my thinking. Mid
well it happened again but this time it was this morning. Pulse and B/P up again and so is glucose(237). I have started a UFC this time. I will keep my fingers crossed that it will be very high and this will be the one. I have been very wired all day. I doubled up on my beta-blocker per my PCP and it did bring my pulse and B/P down. I want a UFC of over 250 so I can have surgery and get on with life.
I wrote this for a special man in my life, but it goes along with the previous entry here. And YOU GUYS know what I mean when I say 'Cushie heart.' THIS IS A VILLNAELLE form so dont let it throw you. Just read and let it flow.Try Anew Another DayBehind gossamer veil, my pain educated cushie heart I hide.Fallen victim again as Love?s all too simple friend and prey.With caution breach this manifest threshold; my dream, your pride.Without permission I have fallen under love?s angry tide;These emoti
Remember the song Computer Blues on the Purple rain soundtrack? You'd have to have been a kid in the 80s maybe. I'm such a throwback. Don't really like the song but I think in lyrics. And words. Speaking of which I have been writing so much poetry lately. I write mainly to one website for authors and the support and feedback and cameraderie is great. If you've a yen for reading poetry or writing it yourself, I would be more than happy to share the site but not here publicly. While enjoying feedb
I should be testing right now. Last night I felt a surge of anxiety and then my heart was racing for 4 hours. Pulse was 137 just sitting there doing nothing. My B/P jumped up to 170/115 I was close to going to ER, but I did not, and this morning it was back down. I am so afraid that if I do another UFC I will lose this energy that I have and be back in the state I was several weeks ago. BAD.
I just faxed a letter to my general practitioner asking him to assist me with the lab work Dr. F will want. I might be wasting time, but I have nothing to lose. I asked him to order measure 3 UFCs and 17hydroxysteroids and 3 night time salivary cortisols. My GP has always been helpful so I am hoping he'll be of assistance again.I am currently covered by COBRA, since I am on unemployment, and I only have 15 more months of coverage so I am trying to get this show on the road. I would like to walk
I know this probably sounds pathetic, but I weight myself today and have gained 4lbs in one week and am freaking out! I'm still at a "normal" weight for my size but have gained about 10lbs total since my hospitalization a while back for weight loss. It was so hard for me to lose weight and get back to a healthy weight, and I hate seeing it creep back up again. It's so upsetting :(I haven't done anything to change my diet, and I've been exercising more, and yet the pounds just keep coming. I
I don't know why but lately I have been trying to just ignore the fact that I am sick. I had a very good couple of weeks. I should of been testing but I did not want to. I am paying for it today, I am pooped. I don't want to be sick anymore, I love my job teaching and I have the ability to touch many lives. I was at a Planning conference this last week and was very inspired to be the best that I can be, but........I also had a huge sence of guilt, when I am sick I can't put in 100% and that is j
Ok, so the plan was to try and do this blog thing on a close to daily basis, but I found that everytime I tried to write something I just completely blanked. Don't know what's going on there, I normally am never at a loss for things to say :)My doctor has taken me off work again, I'm on a short-term disability leave that runs through my employment insurance program. I feel like such a disappointment. I hate this, I know that the doctor recommended the leave and it's fully medically supported,
Just feeling blah today. Tired. Still getting used to the steroid levels as I had to go up 1mg prednisone last week for one day only it still messes with me. Went out yesterday and have a quick errand to do today. I left my old writing home online after 4 years. Personal reasons but also wanted to be more anonymous and THERE for the friends that really matter.More later. Am tired.
I had a really hard day today, most of it in pain. My back, hip, stomach, ribsand my feet. I just took the day one hour at a time. If I could make it through an hour. I promised myself that just one more hour and then I would go home. Made it through 6 hours today doing that. When my supervisor came through and said anyone who wanted to go could, I was the first one out the door. What a way to end the week. Monday through Thursday was pretty good so I shouldn't complain. Springsteen is coming to
